I'd Rather Be Hurt

I’d rather be hurt

 People started to reveal themselves in not-so-nice ways a while ago. They would spread rumors of us, pick at us, and just be downright nasty to us.  Even to this day, there are moments when people pick and pick at me. Most of the time I just stay silent and let everything be said that they want to say and that’s that.

 There was this one time that there was someone in particular who was consistently in my face telling me nasty things. Picking out all the things I thought were cool and calling them stupid, telling me I was wrong after I said anything. And I lost it. I don’t even know if the person realized I lost it, and if they did, they didn’t care. But I did. I knew what my intentions were and they were to hurt the person back and I hated that I had tried to hurt their feelings.

 The night that followed that day, I sat in bed playing what I had said over and over again. Then I decided that I don’t want to hurt people. I really don’t. It’s just so tempting sometimes, because they pick and pick until they get to me.

 I sat there staring at the ceiling thinking hard. Then a random saying popped into my mind. “I’d rather be hurt than the one who hurts.”

 I’d rather be the person to be picked on than the one who picks on others. I’d rather be the one who’s bullied than the one who bullies. I’d rather be the one broken than the one who breaks. I’d rather be the scratching post than the one who scratches.

 I will tell you over and over that it is so hard to control your temper when someone is just trying to get a reaction out of you. I keep reminding myself when those situations show up, that the Lord is the only thing that matters. If someone wants to criticize my beliefs, my interests, my intentions, then so be it. It doesn’t matter. If they want to criticize me for loving my Jesus, then I’ll take it. After all, he took a lot of criticism for me. If someone wants to criticize my interests, then so be it. Whatever you have to say about what I like isn’t going to stop me from liking it. If someone wants to insult my intentions, so be it. I know my intentions were good and talking about them won’t change them.

 After all, they’ve already been said and done.

 I’d rather be broken, hurt, torn, destroyed than be the one who breaks, hurts, tears, and destroys. I don’t want to because I know it doesn’t feel good and nobody should have to feel that way. So from this day on I’ve told myself that I’d rather be hurt than be the one who hurts.

 You with me?